This can't be good

I grew up a very religious person. As most of you know, Church was and still is a big thing in my parent's house. I am sad to admit that these days I am more spiritual than religious. I unfortunately do not attend services as often as I should. This is from the girl who missed only two Sunday morning services for the first 26 years of her life. My - at the time brand new baby sister - is to blame for one and a freak Atlanta snow storm for the other. I don't necessarily believe that a person has to show up at Church every week to be a believer, but I do think that it helps.

I use my job as the most convenient excuse, but I recognize it is exactly that - an excuse. I showed up every Sunday during medical school. I could certainly find my way to a church pew on my weekend's off from work. My distance from regular church attendance is relatively recent. I attended regular services in Augusta. When I first moved to Nashville, I was angry. Not necessarily at God, but at the turn of events my life had taken. As I have said before, I had lost my Faith. I attended Church with the Helou's occasionally and for the Holidays, but never put enough effort into finding a Church of my own. I have now lived in Philly for several months, and have not yet darkened a Church's door.

I am not proud of this, as a matter of fact it saddens me greatly. It has also been weighing on my mind a lot recently. Maybe that is why I had such a strange dream last night. I somehow mixed the Seven Deadly Sins - biblical version with the movie and I was the star. I don't remember many of the details, but what scares me is how many of them I have given a place in my life. For those of you who don't know, although never listed together in the Bible, the Seven Deadly Sins were developed by the early Church to list the "Mortal sins". The sins that required absolution or penitence.

The first is Pride - I am a surgeon and a cardio-thoracic one at that - enough said. The second is Envy. I struggle with this one. I talk to my friends and think what wonderfully rich and full lives they have, and sometimes wish they were mine. The third is Wrath. I think I may be okay here. Interestingly as I get older, my temper gets less and less. It now takes an incredible amount of incompetence to get me riled up. Fourth is Sloth. Not so good here. I have become so incredibly lazy. I still have grand plans and great ideas, but these days they give way to sitting on my couch or sleeping. Fifth is Greed. I get a pass here. If I were greedy, I would have had a job long before now. Sixth is Gluttony. I stepped on the scales yesterday - we need go no further. Seventh and last is Lust. Too busy being slothful to have much issue here.

For those of you counting - Four out of Seven. I am not saying that regular Church attendance would fix the above, and the list was made somewhat in jest. However, it is telling for me that I could come up with the above list. I need to nourish my soul. My beliefs are a big part of my sense of self and ideas about the world. I have always felt that at heart I am a nice person - I need to make some changes so that I can continue to think so.