Sick and Single

Despite my occasional grumblings to the contrary (see Valentine's day), I actually still enjoy being single. I think to be a good girlfriend, wife and/or mother requires a certain amount of selflessness. The ability to inconvenience yourself for the convenience of others - all the time. I am not even close to there. I am not even in the same zip code. I hope to be there some day, but I am able to recognize that I am not yet. A part of me still secretly becomes frustrated when my friends can't "come out and play" at the last minute. Stories of spouses being late from work, dinner needing to be prepared and children needing around the clock supervision confound me. Don't get me wrong, I understand the irony. I have the worst job on the planet for making plans, but who is surprised that I want my cake and the ability to eat it too.

That being said (and hopefully not alienating all of my friends) - I HATE being single and sick. The odd thing - I am not looking for someone to "take care of me." I get quite pathetic and grumpy when I am sick and should best be left to my own devices. I hate being sick and single because there is no one to call the ambulance. Perhaps it is knowing too much, over thinking, or I concede I am just nuts, but every time I am sick at some point I convince myself that I am dying. I actually go so far as to figure out how it is going to happen. My imagination can then picture my decaying body alone in my apartment for days before anyone even realizes that I am dead. (I admit a certain inclination for dramatization.) The only thing missing is the cats (sorry - still don't like cats even if they would work well for the scene.)

Needless to say, I am feeling better. At least no longer convinced that I am dying. Back at work today although because I am truly feeling better or was becoming bored out of my mind at home I can't honestly say.